Some Recent Advice From a Friend

I was really moved by this e-mail sent by a buddy who's never let me down when it comes to straight talk.  This is from the heart, and I wanted to share it.  He's also always good with the levity.

Hey Matt,
Sorry to take so long to get back to you.
First of all, sorry, dude!  That sucks.  My heart goes out to you.
Second of all, I would totally consider giving you my liver.  Or my kidneys.  Well, okay, scratch the liver part.  
I'm not sure what the implications are with the whole diabetes thing.  But if you are having a hard time finding a doner, I will talk to my doctor.  Seriously- just let me know.
And third of all, I thought I'd pass along some unsolicited advice, one sicko to another.  Since I've been living with a disease for, yes, 21 years (my diabetes can drink, now), you damned well better listen to me!  
The thing that has allowed me to be successful with diabetes if funny- it's probably the biggest best lesson I took away from my Landmark stuff- and yet I never realized that I was doing it with diabetes until I consciously started doing it with the rest of my life.  It sounds simple, but it's HUGE.
And here it is:  Don't add meaning to your disease.  There is no meaning- it just is.  (the Landmark lesson being that we add all meaning to everything that happens in our meaning- less lives)
Our brains can fuck us over with the "Why Me" question, you know?  In fact, I remember at Tracey's service when Brandon was reading from her journal- I was really proud of her when she wrote that she figured out there wasn't any meaning to her cancer- she just happened to get it.  
I only remember once asking why me- back when I was 12 or 13.  It really sucked.  Maybe I made a decision not to go there again- don't know. And I see people who haven't done well with diabetes- they eat like shit, or drink a bunch, don't care about their blood sugar.  I almost promise you it's because they ask why me, start adding meaning, and then get pissed about it, feel sorry for themselves, and end up where they end up, without any feet or something.
On the reverse side, because I'm a cult Landmark fanatic, I practice adding my own meaning and way of being to life.  So I choose to focus on seeing diabetes through a filter of honoring the people I love- and when I add that meaning, taking care of myself makes sense.  It's not something I "have to" do, or something I guilt myself into doing, it's something I get to do.  
So-- back to you.  You'll do well with this.  I know you will.  
And I also invite you to think about what kind of meaning you want to add to it.  All there really is is that your kidneys don't work right, and the rest is just added meaning.  And I also invite you to think about your family and what a gift to them it would be to have you as a healthy guy with a great outlook on his life.  
And if you ever want another disease ridden person to talk to, I'm here, man.  :)  Seriously.  I'm yours to count on.
Hope that helps.
Take Care, and keep me up to date.  And if you want my kidney, just ask.  (although you may get diabetes.)  (but probably not)
Tyson

"Air Force One" and Fighting Bad Guys

You know how in epic movies, and classic literature, around the 2nd act of the film, or final chapters of the book, the protagonist always has one more battle either against himself or the antagonist before finding solitude? For instance, the movie you're watching leads you into the comfort that things worked out for the hero; but you know this isn't the end because there's 25 more minutes left.

I watched Air Force One starring Harrison Ford as President of the United States, and Gary Olman as a deranged terrorist who hijacks the un-hijackable plane. I was suffering another unexpected stint in the hospital last week for "surgery complications" associated with my catheter. (admission: I was on a really heavy dose of pain medication which would have made Sandra Bullock's performance in Speed 2 seem Oscar worthy).

In a classic final act, the President of the United States just killed like 11 terrorists including the ring leader, Olman, who was seriously pissed the whole time. Out of fuel and plummeting towards the ocean, we think the President might get off Air Force One alive - - the odds being really good since Harrison Ford's never cast to get killed in the end of the movie. Anyway, out of fuel and plummeting towards the ocean, one of his staff pulls a gun and starts offing the crew. We're about 1,000 feet above the ocean, and Harrison Ford manages to thwart this dude by avoiding some bullets (for the 16th time) and clipping himself to a wire connected to a rescue plane. Our President lives to see his wife and kids; bad guy goes down with Air Force One, and Glenn Close (playing the VP) doesn't end up becoming President. The end.

While I watched, lying in my hospital bed, coming out of my pain med induced inebration, I couldn't help thinking about my final act. Not dying or anything terrible like that. I mean death resonates a little (it's sort of inevitable when you're having every test in the book to rule out heart failure) But I am resolved to a happy ending. Anyway, when Harrison Ford is finally reunited with his family I think of my reunion and this disease that's been playing Gary Olman's part in Air Force One. I want to kill the bad guy and get off the crashing plane too.

My hospitalization is short this time. Mind altering chest pain and cramping that forces me into a cold and understaffed Burbank ER last Friday at 1AM is not a heart attack, nor is it even a once thought pulmonary issue. It's myalgia. Muscle pain. That's it. Gotta rule out a lot to get to muscle pain.

I guess all the ruling stuff out coupled with the intense pain medication all led me to my deep connection to the good triumphing over evil themes in Air Force One. Otherwise, it's just an over-the-top, predictable action flick with a big star.

I'm home now, reunited with my family. My mom is here with us for a while. My son Jax just said he's going to marry his little sister and "stay with her for ever and ever".

Feels a little like the bad guy is dead for now.